Dry

"Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone."
-- Augusten Burroughs, Dry: A Memoir

As a creative person, I rely on a constant flow of Creative Juice to fuel my work.  And this "Juice" is intoxicating.  Luckily, I have learned over the years that the very best way to make more Juice is to use more Juice.  Yippee!  Therefore, I allow this creativity to flow into my whole world.  Creativity is best served as a lifestyle.

Creativity is a Right Brain activity, therefore, we are all born with the potential of tapping into this power.  Our "computer" came fully loaded with all the right software.  When you are fully engaged in Creative Thinking you are opening the doors to your personal, limitless power: your imagination. You are also directly connected to Source.  The universe is yours to behold.  You are "tapped" into Life Force Energy.

Creative power is available to everyone, at all times.  What makes me and other Creative People different is that we use it regularly.  Therefore, we have more.  The more you use, the more you have.  Like energy.  This is just one of the greatest mysteries of the universe.

Sometimes... seemingly out of nowhere... I feel like I've run dry.  It's as if the cord to Source has been cut off or blocked.  My tentacles are ever reaching for that elusive answer, my ideas are flat.  The world is a little less animated.  Sometimes I can feel it happening.  It feels like swimming in from the depths of the ocean.... and knowing you are approaching shallow waters.  Land ho!

When I hit the sand it's waking up from a great dream and re-entering the three dimensional world.  Everything goes grey.  Suddenly, I notice gravity. My body feels heavier and it requires more attention. I am more conscious of time (and it moves slower).  I find that I need more of everything: more sleep, more food, more entertainment, more distractions, more support, more attention from friends.  My identity becomes challenged, my perceptions shift.  I have re-entered the world of logic, numbers, rules and reality.  Suddenly, a fallen leaf is just a fallen leaf.  A cloud is just a cloud.  There's no magic.  No sparkle.  The wind isn't calling your name.  You're just.... you.

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence,
and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.
-- Helen Keller

Obviously, this is all an illusion... you are never "cut off" from Source... Spiritually and intellectually I know this... but my emotions and fears love the chance to come out and play, too!  And like bad party guests, they really know how to wreck the house.

When I was younger, these dry periods of dormancy, felt like a punishment.  To experience the height of Life Force Energy and Creative Output and then come back down... felt a crash.  As soon as I attached emotion to it: it became a tortured existence.  No wonder some of our greatest artists were institutionalized, cut off their body parts or ended their own lives.

During "down-times" times, I would grieve my "highly creative periods," it felt like I lost my best friend.  I used to panic, will it come back?  Negative thoughts would creep in... was I worthy of the gift in the first place?  Was it real?  And then that ubiquitous, existential monster would thump around in the closet of my mind: Who am I? Why am I here? What's it all for?  As they say, what you focus on expands... and so my twilight would then become full-fledged darkness.

Like all "immortal" young people fully engaged in harnessing their youth and vitality, I also used to add insult to injury by thinking I could "control the flow."  Like water from a faucet.  And I would attempt to push it.  This was never the right answer.  Fighting for this control, forcing the feeling often led to frustration, depression, and yes, I dare admit, even despair.

Eventually, I got tired of fighting it and I just let go.  I surrendered.  That's when two things would happen... I would sink a little deeper, hit bottom and then... a natural buoyancy would occur... pushing me back up, off from a solid base.  And I would start to ascend. Happy Days were here again... That is when I accepted the genius of "letting go."

Great lessons, I learned, open the gates for miracles to occur... I soon realized, letting go is the ultimate act of creativity.  And my whole world changed.  Releasing your intention, your consciousness, your plan, your attachment to the outcome... and surrendering to the Force... is you BEING CREATED.

The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes
a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the
solution comes to you, and you don’t know how or why.
- Albert Einstein

Yes!  I am not only IN a constant state of creation, I AM a constant state of creation!

As I got older, I got more comfortable embracing this new consciousness and really began to see the big picture.  I am now more accepting of these "downtimes." I know what they are.  And I welcome them.  This pattern is normal and healthy, and always serve me well.  I have learned to be kinder to my creative self in dormancy.  I let her have her rest.  She and her Source are working on something that I am not ready to see.

Some of history's greatest thinkers, the creative geniuses, the "life masters" all had their dry spells.  Now, when I stumble upon a quote from these wise, well-seasoned humans, I record it.  In case I slip, I need my sponsors.  They comfort me, as I now hopefully comfort you, that yes, this is just part of the process.  Yes, you will one day be back in the flow.  Yes, this, like everything else is temporary.  And then the cycle becomes a shared human-spiritual experience.  A bond.

Remember: let go and let a cycle complete itself.  Rest.  Know you are safe.  You have not been forgotten.  Trust.  There is a greater wisdom at work here.  Our lives are our own greatest creations; never judge a work in progress.  And regardless of what time it is, it's always happy hour, somewhere!  :)

Actually I don't remember being born,
it must have happened during one of my black outs.
-- Jim Morrison

xo,
AGP