Lost & Found

iphone 4 + AGP = ?

It's been a rough week.

I recently lost the second Great Love of my life.  Or was it the third?  Fourth?  Hmmm... Can it be that I'm losing count of my losses?  Or am I losing count of my Great Loves?

My iphone and I had a whirlwind courtship.  After years of admiring this sleek little technical toy from afar and dreaming of one day calling it my own, the day finally arrived when Sprint pissed me off enough to divorce them after 12 years.  Verizon, my desired carrier was now offering service for this phone, I had a little spare change left over from a recent job... things just connected. BAM.  Within a few hours of pulling the trigger, I carried home this long desired, prized possession.  It was finally mine.

For 16 days I had the priviledge of marveling over this brilliant gadget.  I truly was enamored with the power and precision of this ultimate utility.  Having grown up in the 70s and 80s, and still recalling the rotary phones of days gone by... with their ultra long, tangled cords and having to step into the kitchen pantry to get any sort of youthful privacy as I chatted with my friends over nonsense... simply having a hand-held mobile phone was a brilliant miracle and it profoundly changed my life.  But this... oh this.  An iphone. There is quite simply nothing to compare it to.

Within a few days, that iphone became my everything.  It was there greeting me with a wake-up call in the morning, came with me everywhere on my adventures throughout the day, kept me in constant contact with friends, family and clients... held my photos, music and calendar... not to mention the hours of meaningless pleasure simply spent gazing upon it.  I admit, was hooked and touched it almost compulsively.  Suffice to say, it was too hot to last.  Some things are just not meant to be.

Lost... stolen... dropped... swiped... misplaced... accidentally thrown away?  I don't know.  I just don't know.  But when I realized it was over, gone, vanished, my loss was profound.

Anger.  Shock.  Denial.  Bargaining.  Hope.  Despair.  Elizabeth Kubler Ross and her seven stages of grief were coming in quite handy here.

I won't bore you with the details of what transpired, but I will quickly share what I learned.  And I promise you... it won't be a waste of time.  Please read this with an open mind.  Remember, I said, it's been a week of great loss and gain... and near misses.

Thank you, Great Spirit, for allowing me to hold onto my greatest
gift.  Thank you to the driver who stopped on time.  Thank you for
the mother who cried out and stopped the car.  Thank you to all
of the angels who were there in my absence.  And thank you, dear
Andrea, for staying for another day and letting me be your mother.

1.) Technology is a gift.  It is a privilege, not a right.  It won't always be there, so never, ever take it for granted.  And if you have to live without it for awhile, so what.  SO WHAT?!  The world will not end. You will not die.  Nothing will happen that can't be fixed or solved with minimal effort on your part.  People matter.  The people you love matter the most.

2.) Breathe.

3.) Always have a back up plan.  Always.  In my case, an old phone (battery charged full and removed to insure it didn't corrode, along with a charger) stored in a ziploc bag in my desk drawer enabled me to rescue 3/4 of my contacts.  I also have a land-line which enabled me to make and receive calls.  A back up plan in life allows you to remain grounded while experiencing change.  Change that is planned or unplanned.

4.) Notify your nearest and dearest, and let the rest go.  Enjoy the silence.  Think.  Be bored.  It's OK to sit and a red light in your car and just... stare at the red light.  Relax.  You are not missing anything important.  You are not that important?  The world will still continue if you miss that text.  Be unavailable... and take the extra time to focus on your life and what is meaningful in it.

5.) If something is meant to be, it will happen with or without your approval.  God is never going to send you a memo, you won't be invited to the board meeting, your vote will not count and there is a chance you will not have very much say in it at all.  Does it matter?  Yes.  Nothing is ever truly within your control.  The minute you know that and accept that, is the minute it all comes together.  Live in the flow.  It's all there is.

6.) You are all you have.  You are not your job.  You are not your address.  You are not that image in the mirror.  You are a spiritual being having a human experience.  You have a profound responsibility to surround yourself with like-minded beings if you wish to enhance this experience... and if you falter, you risk lowering your experience.  See who and what you are.  Own it.  Attitude really is everything.  It's OK to compromise.  But never settle.  Ultimately... you deserve what you get.

7.) When faced with loss... know that something better is coming.  The universe cleans house before it sends a gift.

Closure... that is a haunting word.

Guess what?  There is no closure.

When you experience a state of "non-closure" it means you are ALIVE.  Always remember that.  And that... with it's duplicitous blessing... can one day maybe "be" your "closure."

Loss, like many other things in life, deserves a cocktail and a toast: "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."  (George Santanyana).

Stay awake.

xo,
AGP

Dry

"Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone."
-- Augusten Burroughs, Dry: A Memoir

As a creative person, I rely on a constant flow of Creative Juice to fuel my work.  And this "Juice" is intoxicating.  Luckily, I have learned over the years that the very best way to make more Juice is to use more Juice.  Yippee!  Therefore, I allow this creativity to flow into my whole world.  Creativity is best served as a lifestyle.

Creativity is a Right Brain activity, therefore, we are all born with the potential of tapping into this power.  Our "computer" came fully loaded with all the right software.  When you are fully engaged in Creative Thinking you are opening the doors to your personal, limitless power: your imagination. You are also directly connected to Source.  The universe is yours to behold.  You are "tapped" into Life Force Energy.

Creative power is available to everyone, at all times.  What makes me and other Creative People different is that we use it regularly.  Therefore, we have more.  The more you use, the more you have.  Like energy.  This is just one of the greatest mysteries of the universe.

Sometimes... seemingly out of nowhere... I feel like I've run dry.  It's as if the cord to Source has been cut off or blocked.  My tentacles are ever reaching for that elusive answer, my ideas are flat.  The world is a little less animated.  Sometimes I can feel it happening.  It feels like swimming in from the depths of the ocean.... and knowing you are approaching shallow waters.  Land ho!

When I hit the sand it's waking up from a great dream and re-entering the three dimensional world.  Everything goes grey.  Suddenly, I notice gravity. My body feels heavier and it requires more attention. I am more conscious of time (and it moves slower).  I find that I need more of everything: more sleep, more food, more entertainment, more distractions, more support, more attention from friends.  My identity becomes challenged, my perceptions shift.  I have re-entered the world of logic, numbers, rules and reality.  Suddenly, a fallen leaf is just a fallen leaf.  A cloud is just a cloud.  There's no magic.  No sparkle.  The wind isn't calling your name.  You're just.... you.

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence,
and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.
-- Helen Keller

Obviously, this is all an illusion... you are never "cut off" from Source... Spiritually and intellectually I know this... but my emotions and fears love the chance to come out and play, too!  And like bad party guests, they really know how to wreck the house.

When I was younger, these dry periods of dormancy, felt like a punishment.  To experience the height of Life Force Energy and Creative Output and then come back down... felt a crash.  As soon as I attached emotion to it: it became a tortured existence.  No wonder some of our greatest artists were institutionalized, cut off their body parts or ended their own lives.

During "down-times" times, I would grieve my "highly creative periods," it felt like I lost my best friend.  I used to panic, will it come back?  Negative thoughts would creep in... was I worthy of the gift in the first place?  Was it real?  And then that ubiquitous, existential monster would thump around in the closet of my mind: Who am I? Why am I here? What's it all for?  As they say, what you focus on expands... and so my twilight would then become full-fledged darkness.

Like all "immortal" young people fully engaged in harnessing their youth and vitality, I also used to add insult to injury by thinking I could "control the flow."  Like water from a faucet.  And I would attempt to push it.  This was never the right answer.  Fighting for this control, forcing the feeling often led to frustration, depression, and yes, I dare admit, even despair.

Eventually, I got tired of fighting it and I just let go.  I surrendered.  That's when two things would happen... I would sink a little deeper, hit bottom and then... a natural buoyancy would occur... pushing me back up, off from a solid base.  And I would start to ascend. Happy Days were here again... That is when I accepted the genius of "letting go."

Great lessons, I learned, open the gates for miracles to occur... I soon realized, letting go is the ultimate act of creativity.  And my whole world changed.  Releasing your intention, your consciousness, your plan, your attachment to the outcome... and surrendering to the Force... is you BEING CREATED.

The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes
a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the
solution comes to you, and you don’t know how or why.
- Albert Einstein

Yes!  I am not only IN a constant state of creation, I AM a constant state of creation!

As I got older, I got more comfortable embracing this new consciousness and really began to see the big picture.  I am now more accepting of these "downtimes." I know what they are.  And I welcome them.  This pattern is normal and healthy, and always serve me well.  I have learned to be kinder to my creative self in dormancy.  I let her have her rest.  She and her Source are working on something that I am not ready to see.

Some of history's greatest thinkers, the creative geniuses, the "life masters" all had their dry spells.  Now, when I stumble upon a quote from these wise, well-seasoned humans, I record it.  In case I slip, I need my sponsors.  They comfort me, as I now hopefully comfort you, that yes, this is just part of the process.  Yes, you will one day be back in the flow.  Yes, this, like everything else is temporary.  And then the cycle becomes a shared human-spiritual experience.  A bond.

Remember: let go and let a cycle complete itself.  Rest.  Know you are safe.  You have not been forgotten.  Trust.  There is a greater wisdom at work here.  Our lives are our own greatest creations; never judge a work in progress.  And regardless of what time it is, it's always happy hour, somewhere!  :)

Actually I don't remember being born,
it must have happened during one of my black outs.
-- Jim Morrison

xo,
AGP